Introduction
Jokes (hassavatthu) here are written in Pāli. They are not meant to be taken as sacred artifacts, nor historical reports. But some can have spiritual significance, in a way. They are mainly used as pedagogic devices, and for entertaining.
Some real Pāli jokes, which use puns, have to be read/understood in Pāli. Translation will give you little help. This can force learners to read them by their own effort.
I create this page for those who are practicing Pāli. Writing jokes is a good practice for informal composition. Jokes are short, self-contained, and, of course, funny. So, I hope Pāli learners will find materials here useful.
Abbreviations:
- NAVA (navalikhitaṃ vatthu) = Newly written story
- PARI (parivattitaṃ vatthu) = Translated/adapted story
- P (Pucchā) = Question
- V (Visajjhanaṃ) = Answer
Caveat: Some pieces may be rated as adult jokes.
Style guide
Here is my style of writing. For beginners who have not yet established their own style, following my guideline can be helpful.
- I rarely use sandhi words (because sandhi ruins clarity of communication).
- I use particles only when necessary (because many particles, while adding little to the meaning, are often distracting rather than make things clearer).
- I prefer short sentences to complex, long ones (because short sentences are easier to read and write).
- I place artistic quality second to lucidity (because that is what communication is mainly about).
Stories
Vācāsiddhi-isi
nava
Ekasmiṃ vane atibalavā isi vasati. Tassa vācāsiddhi atthi, vatthūni māpituṃ sakkā vacībhedena eva.
Ekasmiṃ divase tayo vanagamikā taṃ passanti. Te isiṃ upasaṅkamitvā, eko evaṃ pucchati:
“Ko, bho, hosi?”
“Ahaṃ vācāsiddhi-isi, vatthūni māpituṃ sakkā vacībhedena eva. Ajja tumhākaṃ subhadivaso atthi. Tumhākaṃ paccekaṃ manorathaṃ pūressāmi,” iti isi te bhāsati.
“Tena hi, balava, bhojanāni me karohi,” iti eko gamiko sakaṅkho yācati.
“Taṃ sukaraṃ. Passa. AHAṂ TAVA BHOJANAṂ KAROMI!”
Samanantarā bahulāni bhojanāni tassa uppajjanti.
“Kareyyātha dhanaṃ me, bhante,” iti vimhito dutiyo gamiko yācati.
“Passa. AHAṂ TAVA DHANAṂ KAROMI!”
Imasmiṃ vāre mahagghāni vatthūni uppajjanti.
Tatiyo gamiko ekaṃ khaṇaṃ cintetvā, evaṃ vadati:
“Idāni mama, bhante, ākaṅkhā natthi. Detha me, bhante, kiñci kālaṃ.”
“Tena hi, AHAṂ TAVA KĀLAṂ KAROMI!”
Samanantarā so isi nikujjitvā kālakato hoti.
Yonisomanasikāro
nava
Ekasmiṃ ārāme eko bhikkhūnaṃ ācariyo hoti. Sāmaññena so bhikkhū vāceti. Ekasmiṃ divase so evaṃ vitakketi:
“Yonisomanasikāro bahūpakāraṃ dhammaṃ hoti. Tato ahaṃ bhikkhūnaṃ taṃ dhammaṃ sikkhāpeyyāmi.”
Tasmiṃ sāyaṇhe so ācariyo bhikkhū āmantetvā, tesaṃ yonisomanasikāraṃ uggaṇhāpeti.
Punadivase bahulā navakā bhikkhū sikkhāpaccakkhitvā, gharavāsino āvattitvā, ārāmaṃ pajahitā honti. Dvetayo eva sesā navakā ārāme santi.
Vimhito ācariyo, “Yo accantagambhīro yonisomanasikāro siyā, na taṃ te navakā titikkhanti” iti maññati.
Aññatarasmiṃ divase eko seso navako passitvā, “Ayaṃ mama atandito sisso” iti maññitvā, taṃ upasaṅkamitvā, evaṃ vadati:
“Āvuso, tvaṃ kosallena susikkhito bhikkhu hosi. Yo gambhīro yonisomanasikāro, taṃ tvaṃ uggaṇhituṃ sakkā. Sādhu sādhu.”
So navako ācariyassa evaṃ vadati:
“Yato tayā YONIsomanasikāro vācito, tato ahaṃ titikkhituṃ sakkā. Na sakkā sace LIṄGAsomanasikāro.”
Bhikkhu sārathi ca
pari
Ekasmiṃ samaye eko bhikkhu ca sārathi mattaññutāya jīvikaṃ kappetvā, kālakatā honti. Yato na garukaṃ pāpakammaṃ katā, tato dve devaloke uppajjito.
So sārathi-devo mahantaṃ pāsādaṃ dhāreti bahulehi accharehi saddhiṃ.
So bhikkhu-devo pana khuddakaṃ kuṭiṃ eva dhāreti.
Kuddho bhikkhu-devo taṃ passitvā, devarājaṃ upasaṅkamitvā evaṃ codeti:
“Ahaṃ, devarāja, loke vasamānassa ciraṃ bhikkhubhāvaṃ dhāresiṃ. Mayā dhammadesanā eva dinnā. Kasmā ahaṃ kevalaṃ khuddakaṃ kuṭiṃ labhāmi? Kiṃ so sārathi akāsi?”
“Upasamāhi, bhante. Ahaṃ taṃ passāmi,” iti devarājā vadati. “Tava dhammadesanaṃ dadamānassa, sabbo jano niddam okkamiṃsu. Tassa sārathino pana rathaṃ sāremānassa, sabbo jano cittabhāvanaṃ akāsuṃ.”
Short pieces
pari
P: Kittakaṃ attānaṃ tvaṃ ākaṅkhasi?
V: Yaṃ “Rathassa parimukhaṃ na kamati,” iti eva, taṃ pahonakaṃ hoti.
(Shunryu Suzuki)
pari
Na ahaṃ mama kammena amatabhāvaṃ paṭilabhituṃ icchāmi.
Amaraṇena pana ahaṃ amatabhāvaṃ paṭilabhituṃ icchāmi.
(Woody Allen)